We all get angry. It's a normal emotion. It is an emotional reaction characterized by extreme displeasure, rage, indignation, or hostility. It is considered to be of pathologic origin when such a response does not realistically reflect a person's actual circumstances. However, expressions of anger vary widely in different individuals and cultures and may be considered functional under certain controlled circumstances. However, some of us handle our anger better than others. While one person might be a bit unhappy when someone cuts him off in traffic, another is so angry that he shouts and swears, and starts driving aggressively himself. How can the same event cause such different reactions? And how can you make sure that your reaction is the calm one, instead of the wild one?

How Good is Your Anger Management? So how well do you manage your anger?  ... find out how well you do by answering the questions below ...
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Instructions:

For each statement, write down your response on a sheet of paper. Please answer questions as you actually are (rather than how you think you should be).  Respond by using the folowing terms : Not at all, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, or VeryOften.
 
1. I seem to get angry unexpectedly, without really understanding why.
2. When someone makes me angry, I try not to show my emotions, and pretend to tolerate it.
3. When I encounter a problem, I identify the "right" solution myself and get it implemented as
     fast as possible.
4. When I'm angry, I hit something (or I want to hit something).
5. When something frustrating happens, I know it's not the end of the world.
6. When something really frustrates me, I can usually see the humor in the situation, and I
     laugh at myself and/or the others involved.
7. When people make me angry, I try to understand why they did or said what they did.
8. I feel that I'm able to control my anger.
9. I can forgive people after they've hurt or angered me.
10. When I feel angry, I give myself a “time out” (I walk away to calm down).
11. I have an activity, hobby, or routine I use to release my feelings of anger.
12. When I’m angry, I tend to focus on my feelings and how I’ve been wronged.
13. After I've been angry, I think about what I could or should have done to control my anger   
      better.
14. When I'm angry, I find alternatives and give myself enough time to make a good choice to 
       solve my problems.
15. When I'm angry, I tend to yell, curse, and say things that I later regret.
16. When someone asks me to do something I really don't want to do, I agree – and then I'm 
       angry at myself later.
17. If I know a certain situation will make me angry, I avoid it.
18. If another person damages something of mine due to carelessness, I confront the person   
       and use the situation to talk about responsibility.  

If, for most of your answers you have answered :

Often, or VeryOften: You seem to let your anger control you, which probably causes you all sorts of problems. In turn, this may make you more angry. Fortunately, you can learn how to break this cycle.

Rarely, Sometimes: You're able to manage your anger in some situations and not others. You have a few strategies that work for you, however, you'll benefit from a better understanding of what causes your anger, and what actions you can take to better manage your emotions.

Not at all, Rarely: Well done! You have a very good understanding of what makes you angry, and you know what to do when you start to feel signs of trouble. You've developed a wide range of anger management strategies, and you can be proud of these.

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Manage Your Anger Constructively The goal of anger management is not to eliminate anger completely: that isn't possible, since it's a natural human emotion. Rather, the objective is to control and direct your anger – so that it doesn't control you, or damage an important relationship or situation.  Redford Williams's steps for controlling anger. There are three key elements to these:

1. Understanding what causes your anger.

2. Reducing your angry reactions.

3. Controlling your anger when you experience it.


Understand What Causes Your Anger (Questions 1, 8 and 13)   

One of the most effective approaches for managing anger is to identify the sources of the anger you experience. Once you know what makes you angry, you can develop strategies for dealing with it. When you're in the middle of a bad situation, it's hard to think logically and rationally, so understanding what causes your anger can help you plan how to deal with it.

• Use a diary or "anger log” to write down the times, people, and situations that make you angry.
• Look for trends, or things that make you angry often.
• Ask yourself why these things make you angry. Do you connect certain memories to these sources of anger? Do you feel that goals are being frustrated, or that something important to you is being threatened?

Reduce Your Angry Reactions While you probably won't eliminate anger completely, you can certainly reduce the frequency and scope of your anger. The less angry you are in general, the more control you'll have over your emotions. Since much of our anger can come from frustration and stress, if you work on ways to ease and reduce these causes of frustration and stress, you'll reduce the amount of anger in your life.

• Use Problem Solving Skills (Questions 3, 5, and 14)  
  
  A great way to reduce stress is to improve your problem solving skills. We sometimes feel that everything we do needs to be correct and turn out well, and this can be frustrating when things don't turn out as they should. Instead of expecting yourself always to be right, commit to doing your best. That way you can be proud of your effort even if the end result isn’t what you want.
  
  Also, accept that when something doesn't work out, the world usually won't end. Sometimes you just need to relax and not let things bother you. We may think that we should have an answer for everything – but the truth is, we don't!
  
  

• Use Communication Skills (Questions 7, 12, 15, and 18)   
  
  You can also reduce anger by improving your communication skills. When you relate well to other people, express your needs, and talk about issues that bother you, you deal with potential anger proactively.
  
  
  • Build empathy – When you understand another person's perspective, it helps you analyze the situation objectively and understand your role in the conflict. Accept that you may not always know best!
  • Learn to trust others – Assume the best in people, and don't take their actions personally.
  • Listen – Use active listening to consider what the other person has to say, and then think before you speak. In many situations, the best way to deal with anger is to accept it, and then find ways to move forward. This can protect your relationships with people, and it allows you to acknowledge your feelings.
  • Be assertive, not aggressive – By improving your assertiveness skills, you can reduce the frustration that you feel when your needs aren't being met. When you know how to ask for what you want, you'll generally feel more in control, and less likely to say things that you'll later regret.

Tip:
Don't try to communicate when you're still upset. See the next section on controlling your anger for ideas on how to do this.

• Release Your Anger (Questions 2, 8, 11, and 16)   
  
  You can reduce the likelihood of losing control by releasing the anger that you've built up. When you get rid of angry feelings on a regular basis, you'll feel calmer and more even-tempered, and you'll be more able to deal with the ups and downs of daily life. You can do a variety of things to release your anger, including the following:
  • Take 10 deep breaths. It really does work!
  • Do some physical activity – walk, run, swim, play golf, or do some other sport. This can be great for releasing the stress and frustration you've built up!
  • Use a punching bag or a pillow to physically express your anger (in a way that's not harmful).
  • Do yoga, or another relaxing form of exercise.
  • Participate in a fun activity or hobby.
  • Use a journal and/or art to express your feelings.
  • Forgive. At some point, it helps to let go and move on with a fresh attitude.

Some people believe that they have to hold their anger in to control it. This is not is an effective anger management strategy. Even if you don't show anger to others, that emotion has to go somewhere: it can be stubborn, and it usually doesn't go away on its own.

Control Your Anger When You Experience It (Questions 4, 6, 10, and 17)   

When you start to feel angry, what do you do? Controlling yourself in a bad situation can be difficult, and your actions will have consequences.

External reactions – like kicking and screaming – don't help. You may feel good for a little while, but later, you'll surely feel foolish and sorry. Also, you may do permanent damage to relationships and your reputation.

When you feel that you can't hold your anger in any longer, here are some great strategies to try:

• Change Your Environment
  • Take a break and physically remove yourself from the conflict. Go to another room, go for a walk, or count to 10. This may give you time to gain perspective and simply calm down.
  • Learn to avoid situations that you know will cause your anger. If you don't like your teammate's messy desk, don't go into her office.
  • If you regularly do something that makes you angry, try to find something else to do in its place. For example, if the crowded elevator upsets you every morning, take the stairs.
• Use Humor
  • Think of something funny to say (but don't be rude or sarcastic).
  • Try to see the funny side of the situation.
  • Imagine the other person in a silly situation.
  • Learn to laugh at yourself.
  • Smile. It's hard to be angry with a smile on your face.
• Calm Yourself Physically
  • Use physical relaxation techniques. Take slow, deep breaths and concentrate on your breathing.
  • Tighten and release small muscle groups. Focus on your hands, legs, back, and toes.
  • Repeat a word or phrase that reminds you to stay in control and remain confident. For example, say, "You'll get through this. Relax! You're doing a great job!"
  • Practice imagery techniques. Use your imagination or memory to visualize a calming place or situation.

If your anger is truly out of control, you may want to seek professional support. The effects of uncontrolled anger can be very harmful – to yourself and to those around you. Don't let it get to that point.

Key Points
It is natural to feel, express, and release anger. However, there are appropriate ways to do so – and that's what anger management is all about. You can get a strong insight into your anger issues by understanding what makes you angry. From there, you can create a plan to minimize frustration and anger in your life. When you do get angry, there are many approaches you can try to calm down – including changing your environment, using humor, and practicing relaxation techniques. It's also important to release your anger on a regular basis.

Don't let your anger control you.
Instead, face it – and take back control of anger – and of your life!
 
Sources :
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_88.htm
http://counsellingcentral.com/psychology-definition-of-the-week-displaced-anger/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-management/MY00689
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_88.htm

Parents have a lot on their plate: mortgage payments, healthcare, caring for elderly parents, raising kids, just to name a few. As the new school year approaches, they face additional stressors : paying for back-to-school supplies, clothes and possibly tuition. Many parents may also be worried about their child starting a new school, changing school districts, facing a
rigorous academic year or dealing with difficult social situations.

Often the fear of the unknown—classmates, teachers, the school building—is the most stressful for family members, whether it’s the children hopping on the school bus or their parents who have to wave goodbye.

“The end of summer and the beginning of a new school year can be a stressful time for parents and children,” says psychologist Lynn Bufka, PhD. “While trying to manage work and the household, parents can sometimes overlook their children’s feelings of nervousness or anxiety as school begins. Working with your children to build resilience and manage their emotions can be beneficial for the psychological health of the whole family.”

OR

After nearly two years of unemployment, JohnPaul Smith finally got a job offer. It was with a mixture of joy, relief, sadness and fear that he accepted it.  And on one recent Sunday night he went to Facebook and updated his status. He wanted to inform friends and family, who had followed his two years of unemployment, that his ordeal was ending. He also shared some raw emotions.  "Anxious and excited about returning to a full-time job tomorrow for the first time in 23 months … YIKES!!!"

Excitement, joy and relief will be understandable to most of us. But anxiety, sadness and fear ...

Surprising as it sounds, Smith's combination of feelings is not uncommon, say career experts and mental health professionals. After a long period of involuntary unemployment, a person may be fearful that his skills have deteriorated to the point that he will not be able to function in a new position. He may worry so much about losing another job that he self-sabotages. Or he may grieve for a lifestyle he had developed while staying at home with family.

"From an emotional standpoint, your pace has been in the slow lane for a very long time," said Cognitive Behavioral Psychologist Debra Brown. "If you're in a job where you're suddenly put back in the fast lane, you are now challenged to get up to that pace as quickly as you can."

While there are many things people (students and employees) can do to ease more gracefully back into a "9-to-5" existence, nothing can take away the pain that goes along with the punch in the stomach of unexpected unemployment or returning back to school from summer holidays. There is often that fear that "it" might happen again.

In fact, people who return to the workforce or school after a long stretch of not doing anything also often feel what Brown called "anticipatory anxiety." Once you've had [an involuntary loss] happen to you, you have this anticipatory anxiety that it might happen again, and that might take some time to shake." If left unchecked, this anxiety could lead to self-sabotage, she said.

Awareness can go a long way toward avoiding anxious behavior, as will acknowledgement of the difficulty that goes along with such a drastic change — no matter how welcome. "When you've been out of work or school of an amount of time it's going to be hard to get back in the grove."

So, in order to avoid some back to school or back to work stress and to prepare to return to work or school after a long break here are a few things you should consider :

Build and Keep Your Network Before You Need It: It is easier to maintain current school  or professional contacts than to build a new group some time down the road. Contacts become dispersed to new positions; new schools; mentors retire; valued coworkers move on to new jobs. It is up to you to maintain relationships, sometimes for years, with people who will remember your talents when you decide to seek full-time employment. It is also imperative that you relate to friends and associates in your "off-work" life as an "educated student" or professional who has chosen to take time away from "work". Talk to friends, relatives, extended family members, past aquaintances, etc. about what you are doing or have been doing.

Stay Active in  Associations: Most career fields have academic or professional associations that sponsor meetings, conferences, committees, training sessions and more. Stay active by attending meetings, writing for the newsletter, acting as a good will ambassador and attending regional or national conferences. Volunteer for the activities that most closely match your career field and interests. Choose activities in which you will interact with many members to expand your network at the same time.

Volunteer in Community, School and Civic Organizations: Challenging volunteer work can help to fill the gaps in your resume whether you return to your original career or create a career change in the future. Do invest in "thinking time" in determining what kinds of volunteer work will be the most strategic for your longer term goals. Serving as a member of the school board is likely worth more when you return to work, than sewing costumes for the school play. Do both if you have the time and energy – they fulfill different aspects of your spirit. Do think about how the volunteer work will appear on the resume and stress contributing in volunteerism related to your future employment.

Keep Your Resume File Updated: Keep track of new skills and activities you have developed and experienced during your time away from school or the workforce. Keep the resume file filled with notes about your volunteer work and other contributions. When you want to return to work, you’ll be happy you kept good records of the time you were unemployed.

Create a Small Business and Work Even a Few Hours a Week: Think creatively. A parent I know just left the workforce to spend time with their thirteen-year-old daughter. She is launching an Internet home baked doggie treat business. Active for years in athletic associations, she has identified her initial customer base and plans to expand from there. Other ideas ... Write for newspapers, magazines and businesses; write and edit an About site; develop marketing materials for organizations; sell your professional expertise as a consultant; make candles or other crafts; design and maintain gardens; operate a daycare center or a home-based school; design and build websites; paint, wallpaper and decorate homes and businesses; cater special events; and provide virtual office assistant services over the web.

Keep Your Skills Current: Can you imagine a computer programmer finding a new position after five years outside of the workforce? Neither can I. Not unless they can demonstrate current skills. Fields such as banking, employment law, securities and financial planning change quickly. Attend school, take seminars, participate in online learning and read to stay current in your field. Your local college may have classes you can audit if you can't pay tuition. No, a quick refresher class won’t help you out in most fields when you decide to return to work or change careers. Keeping abreast of your field every year is the best way to stay employable at something you’d like to do.

And finally ...

    How to Eat Right to Reduce Stress: During times of stress, we often turn to traditional "comfort" foods such as macaroni and cheese, pizza, and ice cream. Ironically, these high-fat foods are usually the worst possible choices because they can make us feel lethargic and less able to deal with stress. Not only that, but stress can drive up our blood pressure and raise serum cholesterol levels, wreaking havoc on our arteries and increasing our risk of heart attack.

The best solution? Low-fat, high-fiber, carbohydrate-rich meals with plenty of fruits and vegetables. They soothe us without sapping our energy and give us the nutrients we need to boost our immune system. Here's a guide to which foods reduce stress and which foods make it worse:

Foods to Include High-fiber, carbohydrate-rich foods: Scientists believe carbohydrates cause the brain to produce more serotonin, a hormone that relaxes us. And lots of fiber is helpful in preventing late-night binging. Some examples of healthy comfort food include baked sweet potatoes, minestrone soup, or sautéed vegetables over rice.

Fruits and vegetables: Chronic stress can weaken our ability to fight disease. By upping our intake of antioxidant-rich fruits and vegetables, we can boost our immune system. Acorn squash and carrots, for example, are great sources of the antioxidant beta-carotene. And citrus fruits provide plenty of vitamin C, another stress-busting antioxidant.

Foods to Avoid High-fat foods: Fatty foods such as meat or cheese dishes and many baked goods thicken our blood which in turn makes us feel tired, even lethargic. This is clearly not a good way to reduce stress! Even just one high-fat meal can increase our risk of a heart attack.

Caffeine: Many of us deal with a stress-induced lack of sleep by turning to coffee, tea, and colas. Unfortunately, caffeine stays in our systems longer than many realize. Cutting back on caffeine can help with both sleeping problems and jitters.

Sugar: As a carbohydrate, sugar tends to calm us. The problem with sugar is that it's a simple carbohydrate so it enters and leaves the bloodstream rapidly, causing us to, in effect, "crash." On the other hand, complex carbohydrates?such as pasta, beans, and lentils, the starchy parts of foods?soothe without bringing us down.

Sources :

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo/workandmentalhealth/worker/3preparingtoreturntowork.aspx

http://workingmoms.about.com/od/lifetransitions/a/6-Ways-To-Prepare-To-Go-Back-To-Work.htm

http://www.workingfamilies.org.uk/admin/uploads/Returntowork-parents.pdf