Dependence

A person who suffers from codependency will feel that they will only be happy or content or find peace with themselves through someone else. They will seek out relationships and marriage with people who will give them happiness, even if it is not real happiness. They will potentially become abused, victimized, degraded, belittled, and hurt. Yet they may continue to remain in the unhealthy relationship. In many cases, codependents will skip from one relationship straight into another without having time to consider their own needs. A codependent believes that they are not worthy of being happy and in a loving relationship and that pain and suffering is what they are destined for. This unhealthy attitude sets them up to fail at having meaningful and caring relationships and may in fact go to lengths to push people away so that they are hurt.

Low Self Worth

A codependent relationship with a person who suffers from a substance abuse problem can add to a lack of self confidence and self-esteem. The substance abuser may live a life that revolves around taking drugs or drinking alcohol and everything and everyone else fits in around the drug abuse. For a codependent, this means that they will never be the priority in an addicts life and they will find the relationship dysfunctional, destructive and harmful to them. A codependent will use this relationship as a way to prove that they are not worth anything, that they don’t deserve more and that they are a victim. They will martyr themselves and be self deprecating for attention but will push away genuine offers for help or support.


Denial

Denying problems and pretending they don’t exist or that they are not serious or will go away, is a common symptom of a codependent relationship. This is particularly the case for people who also have a substance abuse problem in a relationship. The codependent may take significant steps to hide the abuse and the addiction going as far as to lie to friends and family about the extent of the problem. Parents may use their finances or influence to get a child out of trouble with the law if their child is a drug addict, spouses may cover up their partners drinking, friends will brush off criticisms of their alcoholic friend. This denial contributes to the problem that the addict is going through and may actually magnify the problem. Enabling a person to engage in drug taking behavior without criticism or retribution does not help the situation nor does it reduce the risks associated with the abuse.

Enabling and Unhealthy Codependence


In an unhealthy relationship, individuals will tend to make their partners dependent on them. For instance, by enabling their alcoholic’s or addict’s unhealthy behaviors, an unhealthy person can ensure that their partner needs them. In these circumstances, the alcoholic or addict receives many subtle cues telling them that it is all right to indulge themselves as long as they let their partner know that they are needed.Enabling was how I kept my alcoholic addict dependent on me. In retrospect I realize that rescuing my alcoholic addict from the repercussions of her behavior fed my ego. It made me feel necessary in her life. Even when she treated me badly, at some level I believed that she couldn’t survive without me to take care of her.  In an unhealthy relationship, when the addict or alcoholic takes steps to dealing with their problems, the codependent will often sabotage their efforts.
​
Codependence works the same way, whether the addiction is drugs, alcohol or something else, such as sex, gambling, verbal or physical abuse, work or a hobby. If the addicts’ behavior causes worry, forcing the partners to adjust to and deny the problem, they are at great risk of becoming codependent. Those who were abused as children face an even greater risk.

General Codependency Test

• Do you tend to believe people’s promises, even when they have repeatedly broken promises before?


• Do you find yourself making excuses for those you care about in order to protect them from the repercussions of their poor choices?


• Do you give money to people to pay bills that they could and should pay for themselves?


• Do you often feel lonely in your relationships?


• Do you avoid confronting people when they are behaving unacceptably?


• Do you try and fix other people’s problems even if they don’t ask for help?


• Do you have trouble saying no to people without feeling guilty?


• Do you find yourself spying on those you care about?


• Is much of your time spent helping people who you believe need you?


• Do you need to feel needed?


• Do you feel upset or angry if someone tells you that they don’t want your help?


• Has anyone repeatedly told you to stop trying to help them?


• Do you feel responsible for other people’s actions?


• Do you lose sleep worrying about the repercussions of other people’s choices?


• Do you ever remind people that they need you?


• Do you believe that you are obligated to help other people?


• Do you suppress your feelings about other people’s behavior until eventually you explode with anger?


• Do you sometimes feel that other people’s bad choices are your fault?


• Do you enable other people’s bad behavior?


• Have you ever sabotaged other people’s attempts to change their lives?


• Do you every feel ashamed of the people that you help?


• Do you often give advice, even when it is not requested?

Did you answer Yes to four or more of these questions? If so, your relationships may be unhealthily codependent.  If you don’t address your unhealthy codependence, relationships will likely continue to be unnecessarily painful. You may want to consider counseling or psychotherapy to deal with this issue with a behavioural-cognitive approach.

Sources:
http://www.my-alcoholic-addict.com/general-codependency-test.html
http://alcoholrehab.com/drug-addiction/co-dependency/
http://www.alcoholanswers.org/friends-family/codependency.cfm
http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-codependence/

Fragility has become a characteristic of children and teenagers to an extent unknown 25 years ago. That’s what I’m seeing in the office today – and what I did not see in the office years ago. But besides my observations and experience as a physician over the past quarter-century, several lines of evidence support my claim. The first and most obvious evidence is the extraordinary rise in the proportion of young people diagnosed and treated today for anxiety and depression.
But that line of evidence doesn’t pertain in all cases. In some cases, something inside seems to be missing: some inner strength that we took for granted in young people a few decades back.
One cause of the fragility is a weak parent-child relationship. Many teens would be the first to tell you that they love their parents. But they are not seriously concerned with what their parents think. Or more precisely, some are more concerned about what their peers think than what their parents think. Others are more concerned about their inflated self-concept than about what their parents think. Kids need to value their parents’ opinion as their first scale of value, at least throughout childhood and adolescence.

Parents are letting their kids’ friends take their place

If parents don’t come first, then kids become fragile. Here’s why. A good parent-child relationship is robust and unconditional. My daughter might shout at me, “I hate you!” But she would know that her outburst is not going to change our relationship. My wife and I might choose to suspend some of her privileges for a week if she were to have such an outburst, but she would know that we both still love her. That won’t change, and she knows it.

Peer relations, by contrast, are fragile by nature. Emily and Melissa may be best friends, but both of them know that one wrong word might fracture the relationship beyond repair. That’s one reason why Emily is so frantic about checking her text messages every five minutes. If Melissa sends a text and Emily does not promptly respond, Emily is afraid that Melissa may misinterpret her silence as indicating a lack of enthusiasm. In peer relations, everything is conditional and contingent.

Young people don’t want to look incompetent in the eyes of their peers, not for a week, not even for a single day. So many will not risk a humbling experience.
Children and teenagers need unconditional love and acceptance today no less than they did 30 or 50 years ago. But they cannot get unconditional love and acceptance from their peers or from a report card. That’s one reason why there has been an explosion in the prevalence of anxiety and depression.

Many parents accept this situation as an inevitable consequence of 21st-century life. But they are mistaken. This phenomenon – of kids valuing their relationships with same-age peers, or their sports, or their academics, or their after-school activities, above their relationships with parents – is far more prevalent in North America than elsewhere. Most kids in Ecuador, Argentina and Scotland still look forward to spending free time with parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. As one Scotsman told me, “We don’t even think much about ‘generations.’ We just all enjoy doing things together.”

American novelist Reif Larsen recently moved with his family to Scotland. In contemporary Scottish society, Larsen observes, “family always comes first.” By comparison, he is struck by the failure of contemporary American culture “to acknowledge that children actually exist.” This difference is manifest not only in how kids and adults spend their free time, but also in:
an infrastructural commitment to children in public places. At the Edinburgh airport, you can find three large soft-play areas in the terminals, ample high chairs and dedicated lines for families. You can preorder baby milk, which will be delivered to you at your departure gate. There’s even an entire cushy room devoted solely to nursing mothers.… Compare this with our experience in the United States. In the Newark airport, there is no such room. After much searching, we discovered there was approximately one high chair for all of Terminal C. We had to drag it across the airport like a family of transient Bedouins.

All of us, as parents, need to establish the primacy of the parent-child relationship over peer-to-peer relationships, over academics and over other activities.

Canadian psychologist Gordon Neufeld has observed the disintegration of the parent-child bond over the past 20 years. His main idea is that many of the problems we see with North American kids today – the defiance, the disrespect, the disconnection from the real world – can be traced to the lack of a strong attachment between parents and their kids. Or more precisely, to the fact that kids now form their primary attachment with same-age peers rather than with parents. As Neufeld writes, “The waning of adult authority is directly related to the weakening of attachments with adults and their displacement by peer attachments.”

Consider an acorn. Its strong shell prevents it from growing until the time is right. If you break open the shell too early, you don’t stimulate the growth of a new tree. You just have a dead acorn. As with the acorn, the key to healthy child development is to do the right thing at the right time. Neufeld makes a strong case that the wrong attachment style in childhood and adolescence results in the wrong attachment style in early adulthood. Throughout childhood and adolescence, the primary attachment of a child should be to the parent. If a child has a strong primary attachment to a parent from infancy through adolescence, then when the child becomes an adult, that bond will break naturally, as an acorn breaks open naturally at the right time so that a new tree can grow. Such a child, once she becomes an adult, is ready to head out confidently into the world as an independent young adult.

But increasingly, Neufeld and others have found, young people across North America just are not ready to step into the adult world. The same girl who refused to talk with her mom at 13 years of age is now texting her mom five times a day at age 22, asking for basic guidance about adolescent concerns. The acorn, having broken open too early, does not have the strength to become a tree.
Parents have to regain the central place in the lives of their children, displacing same-age peers. Same-age friends are great for your child. But your child’s first allegiance must be to you, not to her best friend. The contemporary culture of texting, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and online video games has concealed this fundamental reality, promoting and accelerating the premature transfer of allegiance to same-age peers.


How to strengthen the bond with your child
In all your arrangements for your child, try to make connecting with adults a higher priority than connecting with your child’s same-age peers or academics or after-school activities. Prioritize your extended family and your close adult friends in the life of your child.

• One simple strategy is to schedule vacations just for the family. When your daughter asks whether she can bring her best friend along, the answer must be no. If the best friend comes along, then a significant portion of time on the vacation will go to your daughter bonding with her best friend. The main purpose of the family vacation should be to strengthen the bonds between parent and child, not to give the kids an expensive playdate.
• When you are planning a vacation, look for opportunities for your child to connect with her aunts, uncles and grandparents. You want to give your child a different perspective. You want to connect her to your culture.
• Even simpler is to create rituals, such as a weekly parent-child visit to a local coffee shop. Taking a walk together to the coffee shop, if it is within walking distance, provides a good opportunity to talk and listen to whatever your daughter or son might have to say.
• The family supper, the family trip to the movies and even a ride in the car all provide opportunities to strengthen these bonds.
• If you have the opportunity to move closer to your child’s aunts, uncles and grandparents, do it. (We did.)

Sources :
Excerpted from The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-ups by Leonard Sax. Available from Basic Books, a member of the Perseus Books Group. Copyright © 2015.
​http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/the-disintegration-of-the-parent-child-bond/article28191786/

When in danger, it’s natural to feel afraid. This fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to prepare to defend against the danger or to avoid it. This “fight-or-flight” response is a healthy reaction meant to protect a person from harm. But in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), this reaction is changed or damaged. People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they’re no longer in danger.

PTSD develops after a terrifying ordeal that involved physical harm or the threat of physical harm. The person who develops PTSD may have been the one who was harmed, the harm may have happened to a loved one, or the person may have witnessed a harmful event that happened to loved ones or strangers.

PTSD was first brought to public attention in relation to war veterans, but it can result from a variety of traumatic incidents, such as mugging, rape, torture, being kidnapped or held captive, child abuse, car accidents, train wrecks, plane crashes, bombings, or natural disasters such as floods or earthquakes.



CausesGenes. Currently, many scientists are focusing on genes that play a role in creating fear memories. Understanding how fear memories are created may help to refine or find new interventions for reducing the symptoms of PTSD. For example, PTSD researchers have pinpointed genes that make:

Stathmin, a protein needed to form fear memories. In one study, mice that did not make stathmin were less likely than normal mice to “freeze,” a natural, protective response to danger, after being exposed to a fearful experience. They also showed less innate fear by exploring open spaces more willingly than normal mice.

GRP (gastrin-releasing peptide), a signaling chemical in the brain released during emotional events. In mice, GRP seems to help control the fear response, and lack of GRP may lead to the creation of greater and more lasting memories of fear.

Researchers have also found a version of the 5-HTTLPR gene, which controls levels of serotonin — a brain chemical related to mood-that appears to fuel the fear response. Like other mental disorders, it is likely that many genes with small effects are at work in PTSD.

Brain Areas. Studying parts of the brain involved in dealing with fear and stress also helps researchers to better understand possible causes of PTSD. One such brain structure is the amygdala, known for its role in emotion, learning, and memory. The amygdala appears to be active in fear acquisition, or learning to fear an event (such as touching a hot stove), as well as in the early stages of fear extinction, or learning not to fear.

Storing extinction memories and dampening the original fear response appears to involve the prefrontal cortex (PFC) area of the brain, involved in tasks such as decision-making, problem-solving, and judgment. Certain areas of the PFC play slightly different roles. For example, when it deems a source of stress controllable, the medial PFC suppresses the amygdala an alarm center deep in the brainstem and controls the stress response.5The ventromedial PFC helps sustain long-term extinction of fearful memories, and the size of this brain area may affect its ability to do so.

Individual differences in these genes or brain areas may only set the stage for PTSD without actually causing symptoms. Environmental factors, such as childhood trauma, head injury, or a history of mental illness, may further increase a person's risk by affecting the early growth of the brain. Also, personality and cognitive factors, such as optimism and the tendency to view challenges in a positive or negative way, as well as social factors, such as the availability and use of social support, appear to influence how people adjust to trauma. More research may show what combinations of these or perhaps other factors could be used someday to predict who will develop PTSD following a traumatic event.



Signs & SymptomsPTSD can cause many symptoms. These symptoms can be grouped into three categories:

1. Re-experiencing symptoms

• Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
• Bad dreams
• Frightening thoughts.

Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.

2. Avoidance symptoms

• Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience
• Feeling emotionally numb
• Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry
• Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past
• Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.

Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.

3. Hyperarousal symptoms

• Being easily startled
• Feeling tense or “on edge”
• Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.

Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.

It’s natural to have some of these symptoms after a dangerous event. Sometimes people have very serious symptoms that go away after a few weeks. This is called acute stress disorder, or ASD. When the symptoms last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem, they might be PTSD. Some people with PTSD don’t show any symptoms for weeks or months.

Do children react differently than adults?

Children and teens can have extreme reactions to trauma, but their symptoms may not be the same as adults. In very young children, these symptoms can include:

• Bedwetting, when they’d learned how to use the toilet before
• Forgetting how or being unable to talk
• Acting out the scary event during playtime
• Being unusually clingy with a parent or other adult.

Older children and teens usually show symptoms more like those seen in adults. They may also develop disruptive, disrespectful, or destructive behaviors. Older children and teens may feel guilty for not preventing injury or deaths. They may also have thoughts of revenge. For more information, see the NIMH booklets on helping children cope with violence and disasters. (from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) )



Resilience factors that may reduce the risk of PTSD include:

• Seeking out support from other people, such as friends and family
• Finding a support group after a traumatic event
• Feeling good about one’s own actions in the face of danger
• Having a coping strategy, or a way of getting through the bad event and learning from it
• Being able to act and respond effectively despite feeling fear.

TreatmentsThe main treatments for people with PTSD are psychotherapy (“talk” therapy), medications, or both. Everyone is different, so a treatment that works for one person may not work for another. It is important for anyone with PTSD to be treated by a mental health care provider who is experienced with PTSD. Some people with PTSD need to try different treatments to find what works for their symptoms.

If someone with PTSD is going through an ongoing trauma, such as being in an abusive relationship, both of the problems need to be treated. Other ongoing problems can include panic disorder, depression, substance abuse, and feeling suicidal.

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy is “talk” therapy. It involves talking with a mental health professional to treat a mental illness. Psychotherapy can occur one-on-one or in a group. Talk therapy treatment for PTSD usually lasts 6 to 12 weeks, but can take more time. Research shows that support from family and friends can be an important part of therapy.

Many types of psychotherapy can help people with PTSD. Some types target the symptoms of PTSD directly. Other therapies focus on social, family, or job-related problems. The doctor or therapist may combine different therapies depending on each person’s needs.

One helpful therapy is called cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT. There are several parts to CBT, including:

• Exposure therapy. This therapy helps people face and control their fear. It exposes them to the trauma they experienced in a safe way. It uses mental imagery, writing, or visits to the place where the event happened. The therapist uses these tools to help people with PTSD cope with their feelings.
• Cognitive restructuring. This therapy helps people make sense of the bad memories. Sometimes people remember the event differently than how it happened. They may feel guilt or shame about what is not their fault. The therapist helps people with PTSD look at what happened in a realistic way.
• Stress inoculation training. This therapy tries to reduce PTSD symptoms by teaching a person how to reduce anxiety. Like cognitive restructuring, this treatment helps people look at their memories in a healthy way.

Other types of treatment can also help people with PTSD.
People with PTSD should talk about all treatment options with their doctor or therapist.


Sources :
http://scholar.google.ca/scholarq=trauma+and+ptsd&hl=en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=
scholart&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0CC4QgQMwAGoVChMI-8-AmO-DxwIVT6OICh32twBr
http://www.cmha.ca/mental_health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/post-traumatic-stress-disorder.htm
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/pages/introduction.aspx

Love and intimacy go hand in hand. Love is the physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual, or social affection one person holds for another. Concepts related to love include adore, desire, prefer, possess, care for, serve, and even worship. Intimacy, on the other hand, is a close relationship where mutual acceptance, nurturing, and trust are shared at some level. In order to understand love in human relationships, you must first understand how the self either enhances or inhibits your capacity to love.

Researchers have found when a woman sees images of men, her smile muscle is more active during the follicular stage of the monthly cycle, and they suggest it may be a way of increasing the chances of intimacy. Progesterone, the hormone that prepares the womb for a possible pregnancy, is thought to be implicated.

Hormones – from the Greek hormo, to set in motion – are chemical messengers that travel around the body co-ordinating complex processes like growth and development, metabolism, fertility, and almost everything the body does to stay alive. They orchestrate the changes that occur at puberty, they affect the immune system, and they can alter behaviour. Secreted by a network of endocrine glands and distributed through the bloodstream, they enable communication with distant organs to co-ordinate the body's actions and reactions.

Testosterone ... A sex hormone that plays a key role in puberty, largely produced in the testes. In men, testosterone helps maintain bone density, fat distribution, muscle mass and strength, red blood cell production, sex drive and sperm production. It's involved in the development of male reproductive organs and features. Women have smaller amounts of testosterone produced in the ovaries, which plays a role in libido and maintaining muscle and bone strength.

Oxytocin ... Scientists know there's a link between high levels of the hormone oxytocin in humans and lower levels of stress and an increase in holding and hugging their partner.  Using what psychologists call "cuddle-promoting" they find out that oxytocin levels increase when a female and her mate (and vice versa) play games that foster positive physical contact like high-fives and hugs.

So, Feeling amorous? It’s not just your pose. Boston State Hospital found summer sun raises testosterone levels by 120%. This powers your sex drive and also gets her in the mood. “The heat means sweat, which emits oestrogen and testosterone,” says Dr Ian Kerner, author of He Comes Next (Collins). This may not sound like a recipe for romance, but US scientists at Rutgers University, New Jersey, found the two hormones stimulate sexual desire. Canadian research by Brock University, Ontario, found competitive sports further boost your testosterone levels, while studies at the University of St Andrews in Scotland confirm women are more attracted to high-testosterone men.” She’ll detect your raised testosterone in the scent of the sweat flowing from your midfield dynamo body. And sweat is so effective that research at the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago confirmed it can be a more powerful arouser than any aftershave.

Attachments are crucial to human existence and are essentially the emotional context of those relationships we all have in life.  How you attached as an infant and young child shapes (at least in theory) how you will likely attach as an adult. If you had strong attachments in childhood, then forming adult relationships should be easier for you. If you had weak or interrupted attachments in childhood, then forming adult relationships -- especially loving ones -- will be more difficult for you.  A person can go to classes, to work, to social events, even on dates and never leave her or his private comfort zone. It doesn't take much to mask the fact that you are hiding safely away from risks even when outwardly you appear to be very confident and socially skilled (watch the movie Hitch, 2005, with Will Smith, Eva Mendes, and Kevin James, to see what I'm talking about). But, if and when intimacy and love enter the equation, you have to leave your safety zone. Typically when two strangers meet they self-disclose. Self-disclosure is the process of revealing the true nature of oneself to another person and the beginning of a summer romance.

================================================================

Here are the 36 questions the pairs in Aron's test group asked one another, broken up into three sets. Each set is intended to be more intimate than the one that came before.

Set 1

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set 2

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set 3

25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling _______."

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share _______.”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.


Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/questions-psychologist-says-can-make-you-fall-in-love-2015-1#ixzz3fzDd6y5o

Try them out, and let me know what happens ....  email me
easponza@hotmail.com  and let me know


Resources :

http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/theoriesoflove.htm
https://books.google.ca/booksid=Yz8HuBFXb6cC&pg=PA480&lpg=PA480&dq=Love,+Intimacy,+and+Summer+psychology&source=bl&ots=SpbzCMa-Vi&sig=bYfE75JQaaQlW7T0yYkMdIXtfnI&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CDAQ6AEwA2oVChMI1cety-HdxgIVwx0eCh1nzQHK#v=onepage&q=Love%2C%20Intimacy%2C%20and%20Summer%20psychology&f=false
http://study.com/academy/lesson/sternbergs-triangular-theory-of-love-definition-examples-predictions.html
http://www.businessinsider.com/questions-psychologist-says-can-make-you-fall-in-love-2015-1